Meatball Mania (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Cook the Beefy Bomb)

First, a quick shout-out to Susan over at Party Meatloaf Blog. She’s dropped by for a visit, telling me how much she likes Auntie’s blog, so the least we can do is return the favor. Susan’s blog is about 1950’s kitsch, and it is a fun bit of nostalgia coupled with insightful barbs. Good reading.

Second, a thanks to Emily, who writes about the Contessa Shrimp Scampi I recommended:

“This is an extremly [sic] rare frozen food product! … I now buy it at least once a month. It is GREAT! The directions are easy to follow, it comes out looking like it's picture on the box and it takes just a few minutes to prepare. My favorite thing to do is cook it and add it too angel hair pasta! It's a super fast, easy dinner! I can't say enough good things about this product! I LOVE IT!!!!!”

Yup…another satisfied reader. Wiseass remarks aside, I really am happy when I recommend a product and somebody loves it.

This week’s column is about three quick meals you can make with ready-made frozen meatballs; all can be used as quick suppers, or handy appetizers or snacks for get-togethers. Rosina, for one, has a line of ready-made meatballs, $8.99 for 38 ounces ($3.79/lb.) both “plain” and “Italian style.” For those of you trying to eat less red meat, Foster Farms also has a line of Turkey Meatballs, although I’ve not tried these and therefore don’t know if they are any good or not, but they are out there if you’re interested. All three of today’s recipes use the plain, not Italian, type of meatball.

First up is Sweet and Sour Meatballs, an adaptation of an old tried-n-true recipe at allrecipes.com, and this one couldn’t be easier.

1-1½ pounds ready-made frozen meatballs (plain)
1 cup water
½ cup cider vinegar
½ cup ketchup
2 tablespoons corn starch
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons soy sauce

Defrost meatballs (I put them in the fridge the night before, it’s the easiest way). In large skillet, sauté (fry) the meatballs until they’re hot and as browned as you like.

In a separate bowl, combine the water, vinegar, ketchup, corn starch, brown sugar and soy sauce. Add to the meatballs in the skillet and cook over medium heat, allowing the sauce to thicken, just a few minutes. When the sauce starts to bubble, it's done.

Serve “as-is” with toothpicks as an appetizer or party dish or over rice for a super-quick family dinner. Should serve 5.

Swedish Meatballs

1-1½ pounds ready-made frozen meatballs (plain)
butter
1 can condensed Cream of Chicken Soup
1 can condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 12-ounce can evaporated milk
Fresh chopped parsley

Defrost meatballs. Saute meatballs in butter until hot and as browned as you like. Drain on paper towels.
Preheat oven to 350°.

In bowl, mix together the soups and the evaporated milk. Place meatballs into a lightly greased (or use cooking spray) 2-quart casserole dish. Pour the soup mixture over the meatballs. Bake, uncovered, at 350° for about 40 minutes. Serve over cooked egg noodles or rice, sprinkling the fresh parsley over each serving. Serves 4+. (Although I haven’t tried it, this recipe probably converts well into a crockpot dish; place all the ingredients except the butter into a crockpot, set on low, cook about 6 hours, serve over freshly cooked hot noodles).

German-Style Beef Stew

1-2 Tblsp. Olive Oil
1½ lbs. ready-made frozen meatballs (plain)
1 medium sweet onion, chopped
3 large carrots, sliced
1¾ cups water
1 package Knorr® Sauerbraten (Pot Roast) dried mix
Egg noodles, cooked

Place 1 tablespoon of the Olive Oil into a skillet and heat the meatballs until hot. Remove and set aside.

Add remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil and cook onion and carrots about 5 minutes or until onions are golden, stirring occasionally. Stir in water and Knorr ® Sauerbraten (Pot Roast) recipe mix and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer about 2 minutes. Return the meatballs to skillet and cook about 8-10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper and serve over hot cooked noodles. Serves 4-6, depending upon size of appetite.

Three quick and easy recipes, all of which can be prepared in minutes, which your family will love. And I didn’t even break out the old grape jelly meatball recipe that has been around for 30 or 40 years, despite the temptation. While we're on the topic, let’s not forget the most obvious use of ready-made meatballs – the ubiquitous meatball hero, always a favorite with kids.

Take some sub rolls, ready-made meatballs, a jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce (or your homemade sauce) and sliced mozzarella and you’re good to go. Slice the rolls in half lengthwise and run under the broiler to toast the bread; meanwhile, heat the meatballs in the microwave or warm them in the sauce on top of the stove. Place the hot meatballs on the toasted sub roll with some sauce, cover with sliced mozzarella, return to the oven briefly to melt the cheese, and – voila ! – Meatball Subs.

Auntie’s Meatball Sub tip: For those of you that hate messy eating, I usually cheat and slice the meatballs into manageable-sized (¼” thick) slices before mounding the slices on the sub roll. It makes eating the subs a lot easier…and a lot less likely that one of your kids will try to take a bite and send a sauce-and-cheese covered meatball rolling.

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Takes on Snakes On A Plane...some musings

Given the hoopla surrounding Samuel L. Jackson’s “Snakes on a Plane,” I predict that it’s a sure thing that Hollywood in its infinite capacity for duplication will have a plethora of SOAP rip-offs ready for viewing by next summer. Some of my prognostications are:

(Photo credit Philippe Noret - AirTeamimages)

Bakes on a Plane: Duncan Hines launches an assassination plot against Martha Stewart, forcing her to judge an airborne bake-off using ready-made cake mixes. Fortunately, she escapes her fate when Master Baker Jim Dodge, who is traveling on the same plane, whips up two “real” desserts from scratch in the airplane galley, assisted by a perky Flight Attendant who took two courses in Home Economics while in High School.

Fakes on a Plane: In an attempt to corner the gel-breast-implant market, a trio of nefarious gel-breast-implant marketing executives stashes a crate of nanobots in the cargo hold of a plane carrying a convention of Liza Minnelli, Cher and Madonna imitators. The nanobots are programmed to search and destroy all silicone breast implants. (Yes, I know that there is an intrinsic plot conflict here, but it’s Hollywood – they’ll overlook the silicone-chip in the bots issue). Fortunately for the imitators, a handsome, recently-divorced computer programmer is also traveling on the plane. Assisted by a plucky Flight Attendant who is really a Fulbright Scholar working on her thesis on Artificial Intelligence in her spare time, they race to save the world from a future in which we are all in danger from dangerously depleted silicone boobies.

Stakes on a Plane: In a desperate attempt to get out from underneath his evil web of influence, NBC executives place caskets carrying the undead on a 747 carrying Donald Trump from New York to London, working on the assumption that it takes bloodsuckers to kill a bloodsucker. Trump and his entourage are nearly torn to shreds by the rampaging vampires. However, rabid but intrepid “Sex in the City” fans are onboard, and aided by a pert gay male Flight Attendant, spring into action, sacrificing their Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos, impaling the undead evildoers right in the heart with their 3-4” stiletto heels while sipping on Starbucks Low-Fat Macchiato Lattes.

Drakes on a Plane: The Brothers Grimm hatch a gruesome plot to assassinate Mother Goose, shipping a cargo-hold full of male Mallard ducks, loaded up with testosterone to make them highly sexually charged and not very picky about the specie of their partners. Fortunately, a widowered, black-leather-wearing veterinarian is also traveling on the plane, and is ably assisted by a plucky Flight Attendant who took two courses in comparative Biology while in community college. Can they save Mother Goose from being ducked to death?

(Duck photo credit: Wikipedia Commons Public Domain)

Shakes on a Plane: Mel Gibson and Andy Dick agree to do a charitable function which consists of a non-stop airplane flight around the world, lasting well over one day with in-flight refueling. Sadly, neither Mel nor Andy’s agents bother to check to see who is sponsoring this charity, which is Adult Jewish Children of Alcoholics. Only too late do they find that the non-stop flight is alcohol-free. Fortunately, they are rescued by Robert Downey, Jr., who parachutes in, cross-dressed as a perky Flight Attendant wearing a Silent Bob overcoat packed with full flasks, saving the vibrating stars from terminal D.T.’s.

Flake on a Plane: A planeload of 50 working women, all full-time moms in addition to holding down full-time jobs, are returning from a Psychiatric Medicine Practitioners’ Convention in Chicago when they realize that Tom Cruise is sitting in First Class. Springing into action, it takes 49 of them to hold him down, but only one to administer the badly-needed injection of Thorazine while explaining to him the meaning of the term “manic-depressive.” As penance for his career as a jackass, he is forced to have “I’m Sorry, Katie” tattooed across his chest without benefit of anesthesia, although the psychiatric travelers do allow him to take vitamins to cheer himself up. No one tries to save him, but several months later, he does audition at Paramount for the part of a perky Flight Attendant.


Yes, I know….what about FOOD, you ask? Sometimes, you just have to feed your soul, not your body, and this was one of those days. Scout’s honor – I’ll be back to food next week. P.S. – Has anyone out there actually found an edible ready-made or frozen potsticker? Drop us a line and let us know – we would like to try some, and we’re leery of Pagoda’s line after our dreary recent experience with their Chicken Egg Rolls. Until next week!

These "Sensations" are....MEH. (Asian Sensation Egg Rolls & Lean Cuisine Jumbo Rigatoni)

Well, it’s been a depressing week here at the Icebox Diner in Freezerville. We’ve had a whole lot of “meh” going on, without much WOW.

First, a “call-out” to Kim at her new blog – http://averageladyofthehouse.blogspot.com, who has been kind enough to drop by and say hello. Kim’s blog is new, so please give her a visit and some comments to let her know she’s not typing into the Black Hole of Blogger.

Back to Work…

Our first “meh” product this week is Pagoda’s Asian Sensations White Meat Chicken Egg Rolls. Man, WHAT a disappointment these turned out to be! Truthfully, I’d been skeptical that anyone could produce a good frozen egg roll, and I was right to be dubious.

The “full-size” egg rolls (Pagoda carries a selection of “mini” egg and spring rolls, as well) are decent sized, although not generous – each one is just under 3 ounces. The rolls are about 1½” in diameter, and about 3½-4” in length. I prepared them in the oven, assuming that microwaving them would render them inedible by making the egg roll wrapper too chewy, and not crisp. The cooking instructions are simple; heat the oven to 425º F, place the egg rolls on a baking tray on the top oven rack, and cook for 18-20 minutes until crisp. I did so, baking them for just about 20 minutes, and the wrappers did indeed crisp.

The taste, however, was seriously lacking. The egg roll wrapper is too thick in texture, so that while the outside is crisp, the inside portion of the wrapper is chewy and tastes of raw dough. The interior veggies and chicken – the latter of which was in short supply – were all uniformly diced into squares, which was a little disconcerting when you’re expecting teeny-weeny little shreds of vegetables and chunks of chicken. The filling was also strangely bland and peppery at the same time, which I can only explain by assuming that Pagoda tried to compensate for the lack of flavor in the overwhelmingly-cabbage filled interior by adding plain old black pepper, which did nothing for me and less for the overall flavor, leaving an unpleasant tang aftertaste. The package costs $3.59, which averages out to $0.90 USD +/- a roll. All in all, I can’t rate these more than a 2 out of 5, and I do not recommend them. There are plenty of frozen appetizer brands out there that provide much better value and enjoyment than these.


My second flirtation with disappointment this week comes from Stouffer’s Lean Cuisine Dinnertime Selects “Jumbo Rigatoni with Meatballs.” Normally, Lean Cuisine’s Dinnertime Selects line is nothing short of excellent, giving good value and great taste for very few calories – and many of the Dinnertime Selects meals include healthy and tasty dessert, which is always a plus for dieters. Sad to say, the Jumbo Rigatoni with Meatballs dinner is not one I’ll ever be buying again.

I’ll say this for it – you get a good amount of food for your money, which is $3.99 for the 15-⅜ths ounce package. A little over half an ounce shy of one pound of food, the total calorie count is only 390 calories, 8 grams of total fat, 56 grams of carbohydrate (including 7 grams of fiber) and 23 grams of protein. The problem with this dish isn’t that the serving size is too scanty.

However, I’m one of those transplanted “New Yawkuhs” that just cannot abide a “sweet-ish” tomato-based pasta sauce. I know that this type of sauce is fairly popular in the Midwest, and if you are one of those people that like a sweet tomato-based sauce, you might genuinely enjoy this dinner. The sauce includes carrots, yellow carrots, onions and red peppers (although it’s hard to find the peppers) as well as the requisite chunks of “fire-toasted” tomatoes. The meatballs are smallish – about an inch in diameter – and there are only five of them, but they’re moderately good flavored. It’s just that nasty sweet sauce that I find so repugnant that ruined this dinner for me. It wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t actually eat it (unlike that memorable Michelina’s Penne dinner about which I told you six months or so ago); but I shan’t be buying it again. I’ll rank it a three – primarily because it does provide a lot of food for less than 400 calories – and because I know that there are indeed people who actually prefer a sweeter pasta sauce who might find this dinner enjoyable.

That’s all for this week – it’s been chaos around here!! Enjoy, and don’t forget to write and let us know how you like our picks and pans.

Summer Fever (2-Ingredient Chicken Alfredo and Birds Eye's Steamfresh Corn)

Stuart Weitzman has a lot to answer for. I know that this is a food column, but I recently received an Arthur Beren catalogue, and saw a pair of 3” stiletto heels, in, I kid thee not, tortoiseshell patent leather, that just siren-called me to buy them. Seductive, alluring, expensive, and completely impractical, they whispered to me….Auntie, buy us! I nearly succumbed; I even fell so low as to cruise Beren’s website, ready for one of those impulse buys that the girly-girl inside you never regrets…but they were completely sold out in my size. Weitzman, you tease; to work a girl up like that and then leave her gasping!! The shoes were aptly named “Fever;” and, indeed, they caused brain fever in old Auntie, but I’m over it now.

Back to work…

If you’re as sick of summer as I am, the last thing on your mind is cooking. Here is an incredibly quick, easy, and satisfying summer “recipe” to feed your family:

Auntie’s 2-ingredient Fettucini Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli (May substitute ham and mushrooms):

• 1 24-ounce bag of Green Giant Pasta Accents Pasta, Broccoli & Alfredo Sauce ($4.99)
• 2 cups cooked chicken, in pieces (I normally use leftovers, but on busy nights, I recommend buying a Deli Rotisserie or Roasted Chicken – about $5.50 for a whole bird - and using it for dinner the first night, then shredding the leftovers, without skin, for this dish for the following night, thereby getting two meals out of it).
• Alternate option: 1-1/2 cups cubed cooked ham, or chopped up cooked ham plus
  1 can sliced mushroom pieces, drained very well.

To assemble: simply prepare the entire bag of Pasta Accents as directed on the bag; when warm, add the 2 cups of chicken, (or the chopped/cubed ham and the sliced mushroom pieces) heat slightly more (30 seconds – 1 minute) in the microwave to warm the chicken, and serve. No one will ever know you didn’t make it yourself. Serve with crusty hot French bread, and enjoy! Feeds 4 healthy appetites, maybe even stretches to five, depending upon your family’s appetite size.

Today’s quick review: A few columns back – during Blogger’s big outage – I told you I had purchased Birds Eye’s new Steamfresh Technology Super Sweet Corn, and that I would report back to you on this product when I tried it.


We tried it tonight.

On the plus side:

1. 1. Incredibly fast and easy
2. 2. Really does heat right in the bag, no cooking utensils necessary, not even scissors to open the bag after cooking
3. The corn really DOES taste fresher than “regular” frozen corn
4. The corn really is quite sweet, although not as sweet as some other premium brands.

On the minus side:

1. It’s somewhat more expensive than regular frozen corn, although not more expensive than other premium brands;
2. I’m not sure it’s remotely different enough to warrant the price differential, and
3. The corn has a slightly odd color – a grey-ish tinge to it that’s not marked, but rather subtle – it’s not quite the bright yellow corn that we’ve become accustomed to over the years.

All in all, I’m not sure what market they are targeting. If you’re really a fresh sweet corn nut, I suspect you’ll stick with just that – fresh sweet corn. For most buyers of frozen corn, I don’t think that the Steamfresh bag makes enough of a difference to warrant switching, but we’ll see. I’m going to try their broccoli to see if I think that the “steam in the bag” approach makes a sizeable difference in that particular vegetable before I pass “final judgment” on the Steamfresh Technology line from Birds Eye. If you’re curious, try it – but I just don’t think it packs a lot of “wow” factor.

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Cool Summer Treats (Lightspeed Quick Oriental Steak Salad and Ben & Jerry's Milkshakes)

Just in time for these record-breaking searing summer temperatures, Ben & Jerry’s – yes, that Ben & Jerry’s – has released its latest sinful creation - Ben & Jerry's Milk Shakes. Rich, creamy drinkable treats in three classic flavors - Cherry Garcia , Chunky Monkey, and the one I’m lusting after, Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Currently available at grocery and convenience stores nationwide. Like all Ben & Jerry's ice cream products, the milkshakes are made with naturally good ingredients, including milk from cows that are not treated with rBGH. Available in eight-ounce glass bottles, the company promises to donate 1% of the net sales of Ben & Jerry's Milk Shakes to Clean Air-Cool Planet, a non-profit organization dedicated to finding and implementing solutions to global warming. Me? I’m heading out to find a scrumptious Chocolate Fudge Brownie Shake as I write this.

In keeping with the theme of cooling down, this week’s column is an incredibly quick and easy Oriental Steak Salad, using convenience foods, that goes from start to serve in less than 20 minutes (courtesy of our friends at Birds Eye):


Oriental Steak Salad





Ingredients:

• 1 package (3 oz.) Oriental flavor instant ramen noodles;
• 4 cups water
• 1 bag (16 oz) Birds Eye Frozen Cauliflower, Carrots & Snow Pea Pods
• 2 Tblsp. vegetable oil
• 1 lb. boneless beef, cut into thin strips (I prefer top sirloin, but top loin is fine - you can find beef cut into strips at any grocery store to speed up the process)
• 1/3 cup Oriental Sesame Salad Dressing
• 1/4 cup chow mein noodles
• lettuce leaves (optional)

Instructions:

1. Bring water to boil in large saucepan
2. Add noodles from Ramen package, but not the seasonings
3. Add vegetables, return water to boil.
4. Boil 3 minutes, stir occasionally; drain and put in large bowl.
5. Heat the oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat; when hot, add beef and cook, stirring, for about 8 minutes or until browned.
6. Sprinkle the reserved Ramen seasoning over the beef until it is well coated.
7. In the large bowl, add the cooked beef to the Ramen noodles and vegetable mixture; toss well;
8. Add the Oriental Salad Dressing, toss, sprinkle with Chow Mein Noodles.
9. Serve over shredded lettuce (optional), and you're done!

Total prep time, including slicing the meat, 11-12 minutes; total cook time, 10 minutes. If you buy pre-sliced beef, the prep time is non-existent, making this a ten minute meal. This can be served with the meat and noodles hot OR cold, it's excellent either way. You can also make the noodles-veggie-meat mixture ahead of time, and then toss it with the salad dressing and add the chow mein noodles when you're ready to serve for a quick solution to a hot day's meal.

Serves 4; calories per serving 490; Total Fat 30g; Sat. Fat 7g; Carbs 24g; Fiber 3 g and 28 grams of Protein. An excellent source of Vitamin A (50%), Vitamin C (25%) and Iron (20%); only provides 4% of the daily requirement for calcium.

Enjoy!

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