Slyding Into the Holiday Weekend (White Castle, Steak-Umms and Smucker's Sandwiches)

Well, catastrophe has struck yet again. Not quite on the scale of Katrina, mind you…but mere weeks after the self-destruct of my side-by-side refrigerator/freezer (and the concomitant loss of all the groceries and goodies that were stored in it), my microwave has betrayed me. I was tootling along, preparing dinner on Sunday night….had popped in a Green Giant bag of asparagus (Asparagus Cuts, No Sauce – 9 ounces, absolutely fabulous!), was getting ready to take it out when C-R-R-A-A-A-C-K! – the handle on the door of the microwave broke off in my hand, rendering the nuker inaccessible. Oh, sure, you can weasel it open and closed by wedging your fingers under the door, but it’s a pain in the butt. My husband, hearing the expletives I was uttering, sauntered into the kitchen, took one look at the microwave door and announced “Well, it’s been nice to know you.” When I looked at him and asked him what the hell he meant by that, he continued, “Obviously, this means we’re going to starve to death, so I just wanted to say that to you before the end.” (Yeah, you betcha, honey...."Survivor: Microwave Meltdown").

So, then Tuesday arrives, and I find myself wrestling with a rather stubborn roasting chicken (instead of just nuking some chicken breasts and making a quick, cool chicken salad, mind you). It’s already well over 100º F here in Phoenix, Arizona, and running an oven for over an hour isn’t precisely a cheery thought, before the betrayal of the microwave. I’d cleaned the chicken, rinsed it, patted it dry, and was trying to get it ready for roasting. However, the wings and legs simply would not cooperate, so instead of just being able to tuck the wings under, I had to actually subjugate the bird by lashing it up. In this household, it’s lucky I didn’t use handcuffs…but a short while later, there it was – all nicely submissive and tied up with roasting twine. Bird Bondage. I suppose this makes me a Domina-chix.

Back to Work….

This week’s ode to frozen delights is about something obscure…frozen ready-to-go sandwiches, in honor of Memorial Day Weekend and picnics. I freely admit, as a scratch cook, that the idea of frozen sandwiches leaves me…well, cold. But I once again must be in the minority, because they are increasingly available on the grocer’s shelves.

First up is an old friend in new form – Steak-Umms frozen steak sandwiches. Now, I’ve chowed down on Steak-Umms in their original form – basically, pre-packaged thinly sliced sandwich-sized steaks that you could sauté (fry) and throw in a sub or kaiser roll, or between two slabs of bread, and loved them. You could get close to Philly Cheese Steak heaven using Steak-Umms, and they’re incredibly handy to keep in the freezer for those nights when you’re just too tired, or too bored…or just too anything to cook. Five minutes, and you have a tasty sandwich. Now, the Steak-Umms people have taken it a step further – to four new “steak” fillings, called “Steak-umm Express.” You don’t even have to dirty a pan or turn on the range…just microwave, slide into a roll or bread, and eat. Available in four flavors – Sliced Steak (the original), BBQ Beef, Cheese Steak and Meatball Mozzarella. Steak-Umms also carries “Steak-Umms Sandwiches,” which are Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches (roll included) that you can microwave and eat. The Steak-Umms Express get 4-fork ratings from Regulars at the Diner…so give them a try this weekend!

On the kids’ front, if you’re packing a picnic or just need to load up a cooler with some tasty foods for the small fry, turn to a trusted name for kids’ sandwiches – Smucker’s. Yes, as strange as it sounds, Smucker’s makes a line of ready-made sandwiches for kids called “Uncrustables,” which are round, pasty-like sandwiches (see picture). For cold varieties, they come in two flavors – Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly or Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jelly. Directions are to keep frozen, thaw 30-60 minutes at room temperature; you can keep them chilled for 8-10 hours before eating. Both sandwiches have 210 calories, 9 grams of fat, 25 grams of carbohydrate (2 grams of fiber) and 7 grams of protein. Smucker’s also has a Grilled Cheese Uncrustable, but this requires heating, whether through a microwave or conventional/toaster oven. On a bright note, though, the grilled cheese can be made from its frozen state and is ready in under one minute if you use a microwave. This Smucker’s sandwich contains 150 calories, 6 grams of fat, 17 grams of carbs, and 6 grams of protein.

Last, but not least by any stretch, we pay homage this three-day-weekend, the unofficial advent of summer, to the King of all sandwiches – the White Castle Slyder. Grilled onions, a 5-hole burger, the pickle, the ketchup…the bun. The best 140 calories you can stick in your mouth. I’m a rather notorious White Castle Ho….to the point where one of our family myths is actually a story involving White Castle. The family legend is that once upon a time in the not-too-distant past, six of us were packed like sardines into my Mother’s car, returning from a funeral in New York to various homes in New Jersey. The weather was hot, and my Mom has never seen the need to rush into things like air-conditioning repair, so we were sweltering in her car. We had stopped somewhere along the way in North Jersey and – upholding family tradition - purchased a large order of White Castles, which we threw in the trunk due to lack of room, intending to eat them after we got home (unlike McDonald’s, WC burgers and fries actually travel well). We coasted along the Garden State Parkway, indolently watching the miles roll by. A sign cruised by, in advance of Route 78, advising us that we were coming to a toll booth.

“We’re coming to a toll booth,” I announced from the front passenger’s side seat. Vague murmurs greeted this revelation, coming from the semi-comatose rear-seat passengers. Glancing left, I wasn’t certain that the driver, my brother-in-law, was actually more awake than the others, but I certainly hoped so. I asked everyone if Jersey had those auto-booths – where sensors detect a sticker on your window or plate, and lift the arm so you can zoom right through, like they do in New York. Whether they do or not, my mother didn’t have the requisite sticker, was the response. “So,” I continued, “this means we have to stop the car at the toll booth?” My sister sat up, knowing instantly as only a sister can where I was going with this line of inquiry. She looked over at me. “You’re the fastest of everybody here,” she said. I did a quick mental inventory of the car’s occupants, and agreed. “Bob,” I told my brother-in-law, “make sure you get into a toll lane without too many people in line.” He looked at me curiously. “Just do it,” my baby sister ordered, and Bob did, careening across 5 lanes of traffic as he did so. He pulled up to the tollbooth window, and gently rolled to a braking stop to put the money in the basket.

My sister lunged across the car seat, slammed the car into park, grabbed the keys, turned off the ignition, and threw the keys at me. I clambered over the seat and the purses on the floor, threw open the door of the car, skidded around to the trunk, opened it, grabbed two large bags of White Castles, and sprinted back to the passenger’s side door, throwing one of the bags through the window to my brother in the rear seat, who nimbly caught it. The other bag grasped to my chest, I slid back into my seat and tossed the keys back to my poor brother-in-law, who was sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The toll booth operator stared at me like I’d lost my mind – right up to the point where I leaned across Bob and said “hey, it’s White Castle. Want one?,” which she accepted with a huge smile. We proceeded on our way, after restarting the car, with a minimum of horn-blowing and obscene shouts from other drivers – and me munching down on the rescued slyders. I’m embarrassed to admit that I was already a grown-up, middle aged woman when this happened; but the moral of the story is: sometimes, ya just gotta have a White Castle. (They are also notorious NJ hangover cures).

The frozen version of White Castle Slyders is available in the freezer section of most grocery stores: 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 13 grams of carbs, 6 grams of protein. An important note: White Castle does not attempt to freeze the pickle or the ketchup, so to emulate the real thing, you’ll have to add your own. Why not feed your White Castle craving this Memorial Day weekend? You won’t be sorry.

Have a GREAT HOLIDAY!!!

Buy White Castle Slyders!!


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